If someone were to ask you to mention the first few words that come to mind after cancer diagnosis, it is fair to say that soaring would not feature at all. Words like: shock, devastation and sadness would be the usual suspects as they should.
There’s no denying that the disruption caused to patients and loved ones alike can be quite difficult as nothing prepares you for the chaos that ensues. The journey that follows is one that is unpredictable at best and harrowing at worst for all those involved. Cancer doesn’t invade in isolation, it has a major impact on all those who are connected to the patient.
With a lot of things out of control, it is crucial to remember that your response however is solely your choice. Whilst there is no sugar-coating the seriousness of the situation, your perspective shapes how you journey through your life as you now know it. Even though the thought of a vastly-different life to that which you envisaged is hard, acknowledging and accepting that is crucial to moving forward in a positive way.
People affected by cancer react in mainly two ways: either they are victims of circumstances or victors who push through difficulties with a great attitude. The latter group are those who refuse to be best friends with despair knowing that it has nothing good to offer.
Soaring in this context is choosing to have a higher perspective without being in denial of what is going on. Being fully aware of the current facts is important so that you know exactly the areas of life in which initial adjustments need to be made. That is the wise thing to do. From that point on, there are a few obstacles to rising above your circumstances that you need to be aware of.
Soaring eagle by Mathew Schwartz of Unsplash
- Disappointment
It is human to feel let down and discouraged when life doesn’t turn out the way you expected it to be. In the case of cancer, this can run deep as it forces you to confront your own mortality or that of a loved one. The feelings of being robbed of opportunities to execute well-laid plans which have now flown out of the window – that can be quite painful. If care is not taken, the resulting sadness becomes your predominant thought which then chains you to the viewpoint of victimhood.
Disappointment would stop you from soaring because your perception would be one of disadvantage and helplessness. That could not be further from the truth. No matter how challenging things might be at present, there are always opportunities for positive experiences but only if you are prepared to seek them out. Rather than bemoaning what you have lost, take time to focus on that you have or can gain as a result.
These can include: being more intentional about nurturing relationships that matter, reigniting dormant dreams and making more meaningful use of time. There is something powerful about dreams especially in hard times; they give you a much-needed positive focus that boosts your spirits.
These all begin with a change in thinking that chooses to celebrate the good in the midst of the bad. Before you know it, you are not simply existing, you and your loved ones are thriving within your own context.
- Community
Show me who your friends are and I will tell you what you are.
– Vladimir Lenin
You are shaped by those who are closest to you whether for good or for bad. No human being is wired to function properly in total isolation. Communities therefore matter. When cancer hits, it becomes glaring who you have in your corner and what they are made of. If you are only surrounded by people with a victim mindset, it would be nearly impossible for you not to be the same way.
It is crucial for you to take inventory of those closest to you and how you feel after speaking to or being with them. If they encourage self-pity or shut down your efforts to be positive, you might want to find a community that serves you better. Let’s be very clear, being positive does not equate to being in denial.
Surround yourself with victors who would support your dreams but also love you enough to correct you when required. Soaring after cancer is a courageous act but not a foolhardy one. You need people around you who understand the difference between the two and are willing to walk with you on that journey.
Ultimately, you have to accept that soaring after cancer is possible and that you want it for yourself.
I can assure you that having worn the various shoes of both patient and loved one; it is the best gift you can give yourself.
Get yourself in position, a thriving future awaits.