A reflection on turning 50, life as a breast cancer thriver, and the life lessons that shaped a self-love journey.
Why This Birthday Feels Different
Since the start of this year, I’ve been pondering what my approach to this milestone birthday would look like. Introspection before my birthday has been a feature of my life for the past two decades, though it usually starts 4 to 6 weeks out. This year has been different, and one reason is tied to my encounters with breast cancer. “The rogue,” as I call it.
Out of all the women in my family who have received a diagnosis, I am the only one who has lived beyond the age of 46. That is a considerable weight to carry, one that could easily become overwhelming if not for the help of my therapist, who helped me put that unnecessary burden down a few years ago.
So as this year began, I decided to go further inward and ask myself uncomfortable questions about the stories and lessons that had been clamouring for expression for a long time.
A 50 Day Countdown of Life Lessons
As I count down to my 50th birthday, I’ll be sharing some of these reflections. To uplift some, to remind others they’re not alone, and to let everyone know they can reset at any stage of their lives.
The photos that inspired this post were taken nearly 29 years ago, when I turned 21. I would love to hug that young woman tight whilst I tell her a few things.
- Living With a Mask Is Not Sustainable
Childhood abuse and cruelty taught me that vulnerability is the enemy. It isn’t. It takes courage to pursue emotional wholeness and healing, but with the right people around you, vulnerability helps you build a resilience and fortitude that lasts a lifetime.
- You Don’t Have to Perform to Be Accepted
You don’t have to struggle to fit into boxes of other people’s making in order to be accepted. You don’t have to perform to be worthy of unconditional positive regard. You don’t have to be everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s okay. Those who are meant to be in your corner will love you with your imperfections intact.
- Be Unapologetic About Loving Yourself
Be unapologetic about loving yourself, warts and all. It is especially important to stop trying to be who you are not. Take the time to re-examine the parts of your personality that the misinformed told you made you inferior, unworthy, or any other negative label assigned to you simply for being different. You were divinely created to be unique, God’s masterpiece. In time, you will realise that what was once deemed a character flaw, properly harnessed, becomes a superpower.
- Failure Will Not Kill You
Don’t let the fear of failure cripple you so much that you don’t even try, let alone dare. That spark within you that wants to challenge, stretch and see what’s on the other side of the status quo isn’t something to suppress. In the words of Maxwell Maltz, “failure is feedback data.” That’s how you know what doesn’t work, so you can course correct. Allow yourself to fail. What matters is learning the right lesson each failure teaches, so you don’t repeat it.
The Message I’d Give Every Woman Approaching a Milestone Birthday
You are enough as you are. You are priceless and unique. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. That some don’t appreciate you is part of life. Deal and move on. Love yourself big.
Final Thoughts on Turning 50
This countdown isn’t just about marking a milestone age. It’s about honouring the journey, the healing, and the hard-won lessons that got me here. If you’re approaching your own milestone birthday, whatever age it may be, I hope this reminds you that it’s never too late to reset, to shed the mask, and to love yourself, unapologetically and completely.