Let’s face it, life after cancer diagnosis is a seismic shift of massive proportions whether you are the patient or a loved one. I should know given that this has been part of my life for the past 3 decades.
Anyone affected would agree that life after the shock is never the same.
I call it the new normal which I define as : “a change in outlook, perspective and day-to-day living that trauma brings”
The thought of living a truly fulfilling life might seem like an insurmountable mountain but I can assure you that it isn’t. It isn’t a walk in the park. However, not only is it achievable, it is totally worth it. If you are discontented with any part of your life in this post-cancer new normal, you don’t have to grin and bear it.
Imagine that there’s a mountain between where you currently are and where you want to be. You have two choices: remain where you are or proceed on the path ahead of you.
Mountain climb by Matt Gross, Unsplash
I believe you’re reading this because you have chosen the latter. This is a journey that you have never been on before so it is wise to seek guidance so that the journey doesn’t eat you alive. Even if you haven’t realised it yet, you have what it takes to climb the mountain in front of you and reach the summit which is to thrive in every way.
I know this because in my post-diagnosis new normal, I am living life to the full. It is a choice that I make daily; it doesn’t happen by magic. Meeting challenge after challenge; I keep climbing the mountains ahead of me in spite of the pain and difficulties on the way. Once I have overcome a challenge, I know that I can do that again should the same issue arise in future.
You have to believe that the life of your dreams is possible even though cancer has disrupted a lot of things. Trying to hold on to what used to be is not only unrealistic, it is a recipe for disappointment. You and your loved ones are different, but a fulfilling future awaits if you are ready to put in the work.
It is true that some people around you may not understand or even try to discourage you.
“The ones who climb the mountains don’t wait for permission. They just start walking.” Trinity Bourne
If you are waiting for someone to give you permission to be the hero in your own story, that will be an endless wait. Today, as you are reading this, unchain yourself from whatever has kept you stuck. Reaching the mountain summit becomes a reality only if you keep climbing and don’t give up.
Here are three pointers that will help as you climb with the expectation of reaching the top. Whether you are a patient, ex-patient or loved one, these are tips you can put into practice from this very moment.
- Believe in yourself
If you speak to any mountaineer who has scaled incredible heights, they will tell you that the first battle to be won is within. They have to believe that they have what it takes otherwise they are already defeated before the first step is taken. In the same vein, believe that you can overcome the challenges ahead of you and you will come out stronger for having gone through the experience.
Whether you’re dealing with the lasting side effects of treatment, the pain of watching a loved one in pain or loss; you are capable of more than you think.
If you don’t believe in yourself, you will self-sabotage. Whilst it is good to be aware of your weaknesses, dwelling on them won’t get you anywhere. You have to be prepared to acknowledge and own your strengths in order to get ahead.
It doesn’t matter how many people tell you what you are or aren’t; what matters is what you believe about yourself. You couldn’t have come this far in life without facing challenges – big or small. What are those qualities that stood you in good stead those times? Don’t reinvent the wheel. Start with those.
- Prepare for stumbling or falling
Not quite what you were expecting from an inspirational post? Stick with me.
Anyone who tells you that reaching mountain summits is easy, is lying to you. Life in general isn’t always smooth-sailing. Just ask the richest people in the world – if they are honest, they will tell you of the challenges they have faced and are still facing.
No-one is immune from making mistakes or falling flat out on their faces. By their very nature, mountains don’t come with easy steps neither do adverse circumstances include manuals for perfect journeys.
Many people fall on this point because they feel that falling or stumbling makes them failures. These can even be compounded by the negative opinions of others. Let me make it clear to you: falling doesn’t make you a failure.
For example, when I started walking after my diagnosis, initially I made good progress and then I had a bad fall. That set me back a few weeks and I had to push through the mental block that I had failed. When I resumed, it felt like I was starting all over again and I was discouraged. Fortunately, I had a supportive community around me who encouraged me to keep going.
Don’t allow your setbacks to define you. Dust yourself off and keep going. If it means you have to change track, don’t let your pride get in the way. Do what is necessary to keep making progress.
- Pay attention to the lessons of the climb
“The lessons of the climb are as important as reaching the mountain summit. Those you don’t take on board today, you may have to relearn at great cost tomorrow.” Bamidele Adenipekun
Difficulties by their nature are great teachers. The sad reality though is that a lot of people are so focused on the surmounting challenges that they totally miss the lessons of the process. There are two types of lessons that are crucial to pay attention to – the internal and the external lessons.
Internal lessons are the things that are revealed about you. If you think of the cancer journey as a refining process; you know that it shows the good and the bad. In the same way as precious metal is dealt with, ditch the bad and keep the treasure. Learning this lesson ensures that in future you don’t make the same mistakes.
External lessons have to do with the kind of people surrounding you. When life is brilliant and you’re riding on a high; a lot of people want to be associated with you. The converse is true when your life is turned upside down by challenges. It is said that in times of trial, you know who your true friends are. By now you will know how true that is.
The sad reality with cancer is that often those you expect to be there are nowhere to be found and those you least expect become pillars of strength as well as truth-tellers. Only you can determine who around you can be relied upon.
No man is an island. The people you closely associate with will have an impact on your quest to overcome life’s challenges. Choose wisely. Be okay with the fact that this is a continuous learning process.
Keep going.
You’ve got this.